GENESIS OF GANARETH

Genesis of Living Things on Ganareth, or How Various Beings Came to Be (by Lystullbone, High Elf, Lecturer at the University of Al Drifa, Secrets of the Earth division)

Some say that Gothar created everything as it is today and that the remains we sometimes discover in the deep soils and deserts are those of legendary giants and bizarre beings too old for Elf records although quite accurate to mention.

This stance would make the Great God a kind of accountant who would have spent his time watching over every living thing from the tiniest insect to the greatest monster alike. But honestly, what could we think of a God who would spend his Holy Time providing each individual wildcat with sharp teeth, then giving legs to each of its potential preys, then this, then that, without end, altering elements constantly for if the legs are too efficient, the wildcat will not be able to kill its prey and will have to die. If the wildcat’s teeth are too sharp, it will create problems related to breeding and the species fades away... Frankly, I do not think this makes sense. My personal belief is that although I am a mere bone collector and that Gothar created seeds, he let them live by themselves afterwards. He is like a peasant sowing his field and then leaving nature which takes care of it. Can you imagine a peasant watching after every grain in his field? It would be a huge loss of time and would hurt the field itself as it would be trampled regularly and become barren....

Besides, everybody knows this: Gods better not take care of us too much or they may trample everything too...

Where did the seeds come from?

Seeds were spread like those of common herbs. My fellows and I have rather different views on where these seeds have developed first. In the sky? In the sea? I believe that it all started in the rich and fragrant swamp muds, full of every kind of nutriments. But this is just my personal opinion. Nobody knows for sure how these little seeds started to grow. They are so small that even Gnomes are unable to see them even using their strange magnifying devices. There were undoubtedly seeds preying for other seeds, running with their small legs, if they had legs of any kind...

The Troll’s system

I will start my story from the time when we can understand things a little better. When living things went out of their original place, water, air, more or less smelly places, in order to spread on the solid and empty grounds of Ganareth, we got a more decent size which allowed us to have an easy observation. Please allow me to digress for some time. Minuscule beings still exist nowadays and Clerics as I know believe that these beings are responsible for some of our health problems, for instance when we start to sneeze like disgusting Gnomes when spring comes. They say that tiny beings enter our nose and tickle our nostrils which creates this well-known and sometimes unclean explosion (especially when you forgot your handkerchief). Allow me to laugh at this hypothesis, however, in the name of Gothar, why would these tiny animals enter our Elf or Human noses? To find something to eat? Do they hope to found a family? To build a town? A whole civilization maybe? Well these have to be very twisted thoughts! Now, back to the topic, beings we can see, from the swamp Zinzin to the largest dragon. So-called specialists with strange ideas tried to sort them according to different criteria, running on the ground or flying in the air, eating plants or flesh... Nonsense! Oh! Noble and wise scientists, please tell me to which category of dragons they belong to since they can both attack you from the skies or for a change even run after you and be faster than a dodo? What about the sucking Glargnub that can feed on either fruits or your own blood? The first remotely acceptable classification has been made by Trolls. At first glance, they have rustic manners but they have plenty of good sense and could be a source of inspiration to many twisted minds. They divide living things in two categories : those that move and those that don’t. In the category of things that don’t move, you will find most plants with the exception of the carnivorous Zlub which are deeply rooted like plants but with teeth like animals. If you have already come close to a carnivorous Zlub, you know then that it is undoubtedly a moving thing! And in the category of things that don’t move, they put everything else. Simple and direct. But this is not enough for a truly scientific mind.

The Orc system

Everybody knows that Orcs have a strong sense of family and that they wanted to improve the Troll’s system a little. For instance, among those who don’t move, they wanted to make the distinction between those which they could eat and those which they couldn’t. Let us honour this courageous endeavour that made many Orc scientists die in horrible stomach pains and remember that knowledge has a price. Let us also honour the improvements that the Dark Elves made by using war prisoners to test their plant mixtures, thus avoiding many personal problems. However, it is advised to chain the guinea-pig tightly. I remember one of my friends of about twenty years ago who died painfully. The plant mixture that he gave to one of his test subjects turned out to be a very efficient tonic. My friend enjoyed the pleasure of this discovery for a very short time about thirty seconds exactly. Then his prisoner tore his limbs apart. I may add that the formula which he used has been lost in the incident but you need to know that my friend used to get his herbs from the swamps. Any takers? It is what you can and cannot eat to get back to the topic with a heavy price but there are flaws in the system. For instance, Gnomes love various kinds of root stews that no civilized being can possibly enjoy. And we will not even mention Dwarven meals for the sake of decency. Moreover, an additional complexity appeared when Lutins tried to merge their system with the Orc’s classification. It was quite a nasty mess, I tell you.

The Lutin’s system

To me, Lutins created all this mess on purpose. They simply love confusion. To make a long story become short, they said that it was not enough to make a difference between what was edible and what was not but that it put many other aspects aside. For instance, Granpat’s guts which are edible have elastic properties whereas Zlub’s fibers also with elastic properties aren’t edible. Thorns from many plants have the same use in war as a Zmorglub’s horn, for instance, either a plant or an animal, both make very useful reinforced clubs. So, according to Lutins, a classification between hard and soft, between stiff and elastic, between light and dark and between translucent and opaque, was something necessary.

The Human’s system

It is common knowledge that Humans have a strange mind. They must have thought that Lutins didn’t do enough and that they wanted to introduce the notion of what they call "scientific substance" of things. For instance, the fact that both Babouk and Zmorglub lay eggs, was supposed to mean that there was a kind of relationship between them! Whoever saw, even from a distance (which is much safer) of both these creatures, knows for sure that they don’t have the slightest thing in common! The human theory made everybody in Ganareth laugh heartily. Only a few lost souls keep on trying to divide living things according to cold and warm-blooded animals, number of legs or the fact that they nurse their babies or not. Tell me, do the nasty Glargnub (flies which attack and suck your blood) and the Chlabs (which run around you with joy and sometimes urinate on your babouches) have the slightest thing in common? Let us put the Humans and their fantasies aside and study the only system that has a real value, the Elf’s system.

The noble Elf’s system

Touchy people will notice that I didn’t mention the Darf, Gnome and Faery’s systems and there is a good reason! They are only accurate for their own interests. Dwarves, who live inside mountains, have one hundred and twenty seven names for worms and only one for flying beings. I understand that it’s hard for them to look upwards because of their heavy helmets but... Allright, I stop making fun of them. Some of them are quite enjoyable fellows, I must admit. I could say the same thing about Gnomes who know nothing but only on splashes, dabbles and eructates in their dearest swamps or Fairies who are so light-headed that I would be surprised if they had more than ten words for those they call "the ground crew". They call us Elves "Vain ground crew" and you can imagine the rest...

Back to the noble system. Until we find proof to the contrary, this system is the most comprehensive one which exists. It goes back to the source of Gods and world creation. In the beginning of this essay, I told that you shouldn’t believe all this nonsense. But it is quite possible to create a solid theory of a mediocre basis. All you need to do is to avoid digging too much... So, Gothar created the nine Gods. No, do not ask me who created Gothar as this is not the topic here. Each of the nine Gods protected one people but everybody knows there was more than nine. Korrgians and Aerial beings were destroyed in year 99. Morgans, living in the ground and Kells, in the icy lands destroyed each other in the Great Quareel in 666. Well, this is what people say. Maybe there are a few left somewhere in a secluded place. Time will tell. This 666 event was the origin of the creation of these nine entities and everybody knows their names by heart:

• Galina, mother of Birds.

• Maam, mother of Mammals.

• Elytra, mother of Insects.

• Reptansa, mother of Reptiles.

• Coccifera, mother of animated Plants.

• Nithuma, mother of the Living Dead.

• Placeeb, mother of Spirits.

• Diplood, mother of Colossuses

• Daemonia, mother of Demons.

I can already hear criticisms. People will tell,what about the Zourit, a soft and smart animal that lives in the sea? What about the man-eater with a fish tail and (generally good-looking) breasts? What about the Hninu, a mix of a Troll and Beast? What about the Gober of Io and the great amount of fish species that ressemble it? To which category do they belong to? Some will even ask if there should be a difference between the living-dead that were originally Trolls, Gors, Chlabs or anything else. Or if an especially strong Brave can be considered as a Colossus.

Do you want to know my answer to all these questions? "Go ahead and make a better system!"

It is quite easy to criticize but it is much harder to create something better than my own theory! So for now, let us admit that Maam, mother of all Mammals, really lives in the constellation of the Great Reaper (note that I don’t believe it myself) and that she rules over animals that are as diverse as a Gor and a HarGarkh. Let us admit that the Hninu, Half Troll and Half Beast, are torn apart between Malecta, Goddess of Trolls and Maam or even Agnar which could explain why it has such a bad temper. Let us admit that the man-eater has something of Demon, Human and something of Reptile which make her a creature of Daemonia, Gothar and Reptansa and something of a kind of fish which apparently makes her a creature of nothing specific. This very special mix could explain many things about the psychology of this creature. This is the proof that science always meets reason.

Finally, let us admit that I have grown tired of explaining this to you, so I will say it straight away, now leave me alone or I’ll feed you to the Zlok.