Luvtlee
06-28-2003, 12:06 PM
I suffer...I suffer always, with the knowledge that it was I who killed my mother. I feel her in me somehow, know her as I know myself, and love her madly. Though I never felt her touch, her embrace. Never felt the joy of her gaze while a babe suckling at the breast. Oh how I envy those who had their mothers to talk to and to share things with while growing up!
I did have my fathers sister, Aunt Kai, to raise me and to shower me with the love and affections of a parent....and I am thankful for that. While she was, and is wonderful --- I curse Gothar for stealing my innocence and making me an accomplice in my own mothers death!
For it was on the night I was born, ripped from my mothers belly, that she died. Although I do not know why or what, there was something wrong and the witch that birthed me had to cut my mother open to save me. From what I understand, this is done often without complications, but my mother bled to death. Bled to death! As my lungs took their first breath, hers took their last.
Her name was Lutein, which means "gift of sight". I've often wondered if she knew what the fates had in store for her that dark night. She was human and from what I have been told she was a generous and kind woman. Lover of animals she took in many a sick or injured creature and healed it before releasing it back into the wild. I hope I am like her, for I carry her in my soul. I see paintings of my mother....she was breathtakingly beautiful! I like to fancy that I look a bit like her, I like to think I have her eyes. But with my father's dark skin and hair I am recognized as a dark elf.
My father Gil! I have not seen him in many years now. Not since I was ten years old. It was the first time that I had ever been with him, and I was only able to share a few days with him. You see, he was in hiding with Aunt Kai and me because he had escaped from the dungeons. We kept him in the cellar until his dwarf friend Beregan came to help his escape. Neither my aunt nor I knew where he ran to...he said it must be kept secret for our safety.....Oh how my heart broke that day!
He fell in love with my mother the first time he saw her. She was working as a barmaid in the town's tavern when he stopped in for a beer. He was in town for business, and he had no prior plans to return. But return he did! He came many times to meet with my mother. Their love was forbidden because she was human and he is a dark elf. She ran away to be with him, and among his people they married.
True bliss they knew but a short time when the human soldiers came in the night and took my father. My mother's uncle had him arrested for kidnapping her, and no matter how she pleaded the magistrate would not listen. Would not take pity on my mother who loved her husband so fiercely that she left all she knew.... willingly....to be with him. Whether the magistrate was paid to be an ignorant fool I do not know. He had my father thrown into the dungeons.
Not wanting to return to her wretched family, my mother remained in her home nearby my father's kin. They had become her true family. A month or so later I was pulled screaming out of my mothers womb...into this world...and my mother was no more.
Aunt Kai was very good to me and I love her dearly. She raised me in the rich traditions of the dark elf and I learned much. She taught me the arts of healing, baking and sewing. While the men taught me the ways of archery and darts. They also taught me how to hunt, and how to protect myself with a dagger. Many a good time we had! I remember the stories Aunt Kai and the others would tell late into the night while sitting around the fire drinking ale and smoking their pipes. They thought I was asleep! But I'd hide behind a chair or under a table while listening, and there I would stay until I fell asleep. More often then not I'd have a pet wolf lay by my side. I'd wrap my arm around him or her and bury my cheek in its fur to use as a pillow.
I remember very fondly my school mates....laughter and play....giggling with the other girls when a cute boy would go by...my first kiss from a boy, hoping that he would be the one to love me like my father loved my mother...crying when I saw him kiss Alwyn and I found out that he did not...skipping rocks at the pond with my best friend while we talked about all the things we would do in the future...I remember all these things and more... then I am thankful.
There were some nights though when I would lay in the grass under the twin moons, looking up at the stars, that the longing for my parents would rise so strongly in me! My anger returned and I would plot my revenge against those who would ruin me by taking away the thing my childhood was missing!
When I came of age I explained all these things to Aunt Kai. I wanted her to know I knew good...I knew love and happiness. But I also told her of my unending bitterness and my curses to Gothar! I told her what I must do and reluctantly she helped me to prepare. She loves me enough to let me do what I must do! I know if I ever need, I can return home....but for now I travel alone.
I must end this madness inside! My mother will never return, I will not be able to see and touch her until I leave this realm. For now I must be content in knowing her in my heart and soul only. But, my father! I know he is out there! I am sure of it...just as sure as the sun rises and sets upon each day. I do not know if he is lost and cannot return...or if he is hurt and being held captive somewhere...I do not know what fate has befallen him but I do know that if there is a shred of goodness in Gothar, I shall find him! And if by luck or by chance I can find my mother's uncle and exact revenge for all he stole from my parents, then I shall sing praises to Gothar!
Until then I wander Ganareth, never truly free......
[Edited on 28/6/2003 by Luvtlee]
I did have my fathers sister, Aunt Kai, to raise me and to shower me with the love and affections of a parent....and I am thankful for that. While she was, and is wonderful --- I curse Gothar for stealing my innocence and making me an accomplice in my own mothers death!
For it was on the night I was born, ripped from my mothers belly, that she died. Although I do not know why or what, there was something wrong and the witch that birthed me had to cut my mother open to save me. From what I understand, this is done often without complications, but my mother bled to death. Bled to death! As my lungs took their first breath, hers took their last.
Her name was Lutein, which means "gift of sight". I've often wondered if she knew what the fates had in store for her that dark night. She was human and from what I have been told she was a generous and kind woman. Lover of animals she took in many a sick or injured creature and healed it before releasing it back into the wild. I hope I am like her, for I carry her in my soul. I see paintings of my mother....she was breathtakingly beautiful! I like to fancy that I look a bit like her, I like to think I have her eyes. But with my father's dark skin and hair I am recognized as a dark elf.
My father Gil! I have not seen him in many years now. Not since I was ten years old. It was the first time that I had ever been with him, and I was only able to share a few days with him. You see, he was in hiding with Aunt Kai and me because he had escaped from the dungeons. We kept him in the cellar until his dwarf friend Beregan came to help his escape. Neither my aunt nor I knew where he ran to...he said it must be kept secret for our safety.....Oh how my heart broke that day!
He fell in love with my mother the first time he saw her. She was working as a barmaid in the town's tavern when he stopped in for a beer. He was in town for business, and he had no prior plans to return. But return he did! He came many times to meet with my mother. Their love was forbidden because she was human and he is a dark elf. She ran away to be with him, and among his people they married.
True bliss they knew but a short time when the human soldiers came in the night and took my father. My mother's uncle had him arrested for kidnapping her, and no matter how she pleaded the magistrate would not listen. Would not take pity on my mother who loved her husband so fiercely that she left all she knew.... willingly....to be with him. Whether the magistrate was paid to be an ignorant fool I do not know. He had my father thrown into the dungeons.
Not wanting to return to her wretched family, my mother remained in her home nearby my father's kin. They had become her true family. A month or so later I was pulled screaming out of my mothers womb...into this world...and my mother was no more.
Aunt Kai was very good to me and I love her dearly. She raised me in the rich traditions of the dark elf and I learned much. She taught me the arts of healing, baking and sewing. While the men taught me the ways of archery and darts. They also taught me how to hunt, and how to protect myself with a dagger. Many a good time we had! I remember the stories Aunt Kai and the others would tell late into the night while sitting around the fire drinking ale and smoking their pipes. They thought I was asleep! But I'd hide behind a chair or under a table while listening, and there I would stay until I fell asleep. More often then not I'd have a pet wolf lay by my side. I'd wrap my arm around him or her and bury my cheek in its fur to use as a pillow.
I remember very fondly my school mates....laughter and play....giggling with the other girls when a cute boy would go by...my first kiss from a boy, hoping that he would be the one to love me like my father loved my mother...crying when I saw him kiss Alwyn and I found out that he did not...skipping rocks at the pond with my best friend while we talked about all the things we would do in the future...I remember all these things and more... then I am thankful.
There were some nights though when I would lay in the grass under the twin moons, looking up at the stars, that the longing for my parents would rise so strongly in me! My anger returned and I would plot my revenge against those who would ruin me by taking away the thing my childhood was missing!
When I came of age I explained all these things to Aunt Kai. I wanted her to know I knew good...I knew love and happiness. But I also told her of my unending bitterness and my curses to Gothar! I told her what I must do and reluctantly she helped me to prepare. She loves me enough to let me do what I must do! I know if I ever need, I can return home....but for now I travel alone.
I must end this madness inside! My mother will never return, I will not be able to see and touch her until I leave this realm. For now I must be content in knowing her in my heart and soul only. But, my father! I know he is out there! I am sure of it...just as sure as the sun rises and sets upon each day. I do not know if he is lost and cannot return...or if he is hurt and being held captive somewhere...I do not know what fate has befallen him but I do know that if there is a shred of goodness in Gothar, I shall find him! And if by luck or by chance I can find my mother's uncle and exact revenge for all he stole from my parents, then I shall sing praises to Gothar!
Until then I wander Ganareth, never truly free......
[Edited on 28/6/2003 by Luvtlee]