Jorloja
08-03-2003, 07:56 AM
I remember years ago being asked by my trainer - my knight trainer, when I knew. He told me that very few ever sought out his tutelage, that most did because it was interesting or against the normal. He said if they did seek him because it was not what society accepted that he would turn them away. He wanted students that had a passion for it, a desire, and beyond that, a need to be what he is.
He told me to think on his question for several days but before he could say any more I held my finger to my lips indicating he should say no more. Arrogant of me perhaps, but he smiled; brashness and egotism were encouraged and fostered - disrespect was not.
I told him:
“I started my training in combat as a warrior. I worshipped no god and I felt no allegiance toward other people. No need to defend them, no need to see them succeed, no desire to love them; the crusader or clerical life would have killed me sooner than a swipe from a dragon’s tail. I just wanted to destroy, and unlike the holier than thou’s, there were plenty of warrior sects willing to train me in just that.
However, I quickly grew bored or the repetitiveness; the mundane act of attack and counter attack. Inside me was a frenzy waiting to unleash, outside there was no target to release on. Sparring. Endless days and hours of sparring. Wooden swords and padded sticks. Swing left, duck, swing left swing... hrmph. In an attempt to relieve the tedium I dabbled in magic. Self taught I struggled and grew frustrated. Very little of it seemed to work and that which did was nothing more than a light show. I accepted that magic would be little more than a passing interest for me.
But to answer your question, sir, the day I knew...” I paused. In my mind I could relive that day at any time and often did. “Another day of sparring. Parry, thrust, block and counter. I couldn’t take it any more and on my counter I snaked the wooden sword under the visor of my opponent and trust it as hard as I could in past his eye. He fell to his knees screaming and clawing at his helmet that was now pinned to his head. I stifled a giggle and buried my joyous smile under a facade of horror.
I dropped to one knee as some gathered around and others ran for clerics. I placed one hand behind his head and one hand on his chest. I wanted to laugh at his discomfort. I wanted to twist the sword to hear him cry out more. I feigned compassion and faked comfort.
In the hand that held his head I could feel his life growing weaker, I could sense his thoughts racing like a rabbit being chased down by a wolf. In the other hand... I felt his very soul. I touched it and it was both warm and cold. I prodded, he shuddered. I tickled, he convulsed. I licked, he whimpered. I tasted, he weakened. I drank, he faded. I consumed, he died.
And oh it was ecstasy. If this was the erotic pleasure a vampire felt as it fed, than this is what I wanted to be. If this was the fright the ghoul inspired, than a ghoul I am to be. If this is the mindless pursuit of the undead that makes them cackle with glee than I must join them.
Ruled a training accident, I was not charged but I was exiled from training. None in the city would have me; such was the reputation I earned in one deed. Untrained I lost as many fights as I won, but that wasn’t my focus. I battled in chase of the feeling I had that day, uninhibited pleasure.
Until I came upon a faceless temple. Hidden from sight and anonymous to the rest of the city. Anonymous, ignored, or feared, I couldn’t tell at the time which. My intent when I entered the temple was to cause as much terror and panic as I could. This was to be my last hurrah. Unable to obtain the greatness I felt so many months ago I wanted to end this existence or find it again in one slaughter, theirs or mine.
I burst open the doors with a body full of rage and collided with a wave of calm. A solitary knight clad in armour of crimson red knelt in front of an alter. He emanated an aura of control and acceptance of his surroundings, which now included me.
‘Close the door, and I will be with you soon,’ he called over his shoulder. Numbly I did as he asked.
The anger and rage I felt just steps before was quelled; this place, this temple wrapped me like a warm blanket next to a soothing fire.
From where I sat I got a better look at the alter and the person at it’s feet. He had been in a battle, several open cuts bleed lightly while he prayed., his words I couldn’t hear. Two attendants dressed in robes brought out a tied and gagged young man. My guess was he was in his early twenties, slightly younger than I at the time.
The youth bucked wildly, his eyes darting around in panic as they placed and tied him to the alter.
The armoured individual stood and stroked the man’s forehead and issued out several ‘shh’ sounds. The calming worked, but the tears still flowed.
‘Good,’ he said quietly, his hand slide down the man’s face, his neck and to his chest - about where the heart would be.
He plunged his gauntleted hand into the chest cavity on one brutal motion. The young sacrifice screamed a muffled cry and arched his back upwards, his eyes rolled up into his head. The blood armoured man’s wounds healed and faded, his face bore a smile, his eyes closed.
I knew what he was feeling. A shiver went up my spine, a shiver of pleasure and excitement.
Once time resumed motion he removed his hand from the dead.
‘Do what you want with the flesh, prepare the bones. This is to be my servant,’ he informed the two attendants. They bowed quickly, untied the corpse and carried it off.
‘Now,’ he said turning to me, ‘when would you like to begin?’
When the tip of that wooden sword started the destruction of that person’s life, I had an idea. When I witnessed what I witnessed in the temple that day, I knew.
Does that answer your question adequately enough?”
My trainer nodded, pleased.
And now I ask you. When did you know?
---
-Jor (repost from my web page, formatting may be off, sorry! :) ) (c) and all that jazz. ;)
He told me to think on his question for several days but before he could say any more I held my finger to my lips indicating he should say no more. Arrogant of me perhaps, but he smiled; brashness and egotism were encouraged and fostered - disrespect was not.
I told him:
“I started my training in combat as a warrior. I worshipped no god and I felt no allegiance toward other people. No need to defend them, no need to see them succeed, no desire to love them; the crusader or clerical life would have killed me sooner than a swipe from a dragon’s tail. I just wanted to destroy, and unlike the holier than thou’s, there were plenty of warrior sects willing to train me in just that.
However, I quickly grew bored or the repetitiveness; the mundane act of attack and counter attack. Inside me was a frenzy waiting to unleash, outside there was no target to release on. Sparring. Endless days and hours of sparring. Wooden swords and padded sticks. Swing left, duck, swing left swing... hrmph. In an attempt to relieve the tedium I dabbled in magic. Self taught I struggled and grew frustrated. Very little of it seemed to work and that which did was nothing more than a light show. I accepted that magic would be little more than a passing interest for me.
But to answer your question, sir, the day I knew...” I paused. In my mind I could relive that day at any time and often did. “Another day of sparring. Parry, thrust, block and counter. I couldn’t take it any more and on my counter I snaked the wooden sword under the visor of my opponent and trust it as hard as I could in past his eye. He fell to his knees screaming and clawing at his helmet that was now pinned to his head. I stifled a giggle and buried my joyous smile under a facade of horror.
I dropped to one knee as some gathered around and others ran for clerics. I placed one hand behind his head and one hand on his chest. I wanted to laugh at his discomfort. I wanted to twist the sword to hear him cry out more. I feigned compassion and faked comfort.
In the hand that held his head I could feel his life growing weaker, I could sense his thoughts racing like a rabbit being chased down by a wolf. In the other hand... I felt his very soul. I touched it and it was both warm and cold. I prodded, he shuddered. I tickled, he convulsed. I licked, he whimpered. I tasted, he weakened. I drank, he faded. I consumed, he died.
And oh it was ecstasy. If this was the erotic pleasure a vampire felt as it fed, than this is what I wanted to be. If this was the fright the ghoul inspired, than a ghoul I am to be. If this is the mindless pursuit of the undead that makes them cackle with glee than I must join them.
Ruled a training accident, I was not charged but I was exiled from training. None in the city would have me; such was the reputation I earned in one deed. Untrained I lost as many fights as I won, but that wasn’t my focus. I battled in chase of the feeling I had that day, uninhibited pleasure.
Until I came upon a faceless temple. Hidden from sight and anonymous to the rest of the city. Anonymous, ignored, or feared, I couldn’t tell at the time which. My intent when I entered the temple was to cause as much terror and panic as I could. This was to be my last hurrah. Unable to obtain the greatness I felt so many months ago I wanted to end this existence or find it again in one slaughter, theirs or mine.
I burst open the doors with a body full of rage and collided with a wave of calm. A solitary knight clad in armour of crimson red knelt in front of an alter. He emanated an aura of control and acceptance of his surroundings, which now included me.
‘Close the door, and I will be with you soon,’ he called over his shoulder. Numbly I did as he asked.
The anger and rage I felt just steps before was quelled; this place, this temple wrapped me like a warm blanket next to a soothing fire.
From where I sat I got a better look at the alter and the person at it’s feet. He had been in a battle, several open cuts bleed lightly while he prayed., his words I couldn’t hear. Two attendants dressed in robes brought out a tied and gagged young man. My guess was he was in his early twenties, slightly younger than I at the time.
The youth bucked wildly, his eyes darting around in panic as they placed and tied him to the alter.
The armoured individual stood and stroked the man’s forehead and issued out several ‘shh’ sounds. The calming worked, but the tears still flowed.
‘Good,’ he said quietly, his hand slide down the man’s face, his neck and to his chest - about where the heart would be.
He plunged his gauntleted hand into the chest cavity on one brutal motion. The young sacrifice screamed a muffled cry and arched his back upwards, his eyes rolled up into his head. The blood armoured man’s wounds healed and faded, his face bore a smile, his eyes closed.
I knew what he was feeling. A shiver went up my spine, a shiver of pleasure and excitement.
Once time resumed motion he removed his hand from the dead.
‘Do what you want with the flesh, prepare the bones. This is to be my servant,’ he informed the two attendants. They bowed quickly, untied the corpse and carried it off.
‘Now,’ he said turning to me, ‘when would you like to begin?’
When the tip of that wooden sword started the destruction of that person’s life, I had an idea. When I witnessed what I witnessed in the temple that day, I knew.
Does that answer your question adequately enough?”
My trainer nodded, pleased.
And now I ask you. When did you know?
---
-Jor (repost from my web page, formatting may be off, sorry! :) ) (c) and all that jazz. ;)